What Happens in Couples Therapy? Portland, OR Couples Therapist Explains
Are you considering trying couples therapy with your partner? That’s great! Couples therapy is a great way to invest in your relationship. While you may feel eager to get relationship support, I understand it can also feel a bit overwhelming to start something new. Today I’ll be sharing what you can expect from couples therapy, so you can feel a bit more at ease about the process.
The beginning of couples therapy will be focused on assessment. Your therapist will ask lots of questions to gather all the pieces of the puzzle, so they know how to best support you & your partner.
Your therapist will take time to get to know each of you as people, including you and your partner’s family history, mental health history, your interests & passions, your identities, and your beliefs & values. Your therapist will also want to know about your relationship story: how you and your partner met, why you chose each other, and significant experiences in your relationship. And finally, your therapist will want to understand your hopes & goals for couples therapy and your relationship as a whole.
The middle part of couples therapy will be focused on addressing your goal(s).
What this part of couples therapy looks like will be dependent on your goals. But some of the following are really common: your therapist will help you and your partner develop better understanding of each other’s feelings, needs & wants; your therapist will guide you & your partner through communication exercises that will help you communicate more effectively & compassionately; your therapist will highlight the barriers getting in the ways of your goals & help you address them through conversations in session & homework; your therapist will offer education about mental health, relationships, & our nervous systems when it may be supportive.
The last part of couples therapy will be focused on summarizing the work you did together and creating a plan to sustain in.
Over time, your therapist will support you and your partner in finding ways to take the work you’re doing in therapy outside of the therapy room. They’ll help you make a plan so that you can sustain the growth you’ve experienced in couples therapy. They’ll spend time highlighting all the good work you’ve done, so that you feel more encouraged to take it with you.
The specifics of couples therapy will depend on both your goals & concerns and your therapist’s style of therapy.
In future blogs, I’ll share more about some styles of therapy that our couples therapists tend to have! Some couples therapists are going to focus more on homework & tools and others are going to focus more on emotions & exploring the depths of your experiences. All of our therapists bring in a systemic lens to couples therapy. This means that they are aware of how the larger systems we live within (like capitalism, racism, transphobia, etc) impact our relationships. They won’t see you and your partner in a vacuum, but rather folks who are impacted by many external factors.
