What Makes a Fulfilling Relationship? Three Qualities of Relationships that Work
Romantic relationships can be a beautiful source of connection, intimacy, and joy; however, they can also be a source of ongoing anxiety, often surrounding doubts and uncertainties about the future in addition to the current health and happiness of the relationship.
Are we happy enough?
Are we as happy as others are?
Are we as happy as we’re supposed to be?
Do we have a future together?
Are we compatible for life?
Are our issues ‘normal’? Are they resolvable?
These anxieties are so common that we thought it’d be helpful to share three qualities that researchers, authors, and mental health professionals have found across the board to be core components of lasting, meaningful relationships.
1) Open Communication
Profound connection with someone requires deeply understanding them and them deeply understanding you. This necessitates authentic, honest communication. Whether involving strong opinions, points of tension, or simply the moments of everyday life, communication is part of sharing your world and your mind with another.
Open communication includes:
Raising issues when they occur and having the tough conversations early on - this allows partners to learn important things about one another, develop their conflict resolution skills, and feel comfortable being open and authentic
Valuing the insight and perspectives of your partner(s) - this is part of holistically appreciating another person, as well as maintaining a balanced give-and-take in the relationship (with each partner getting to feel both supportive and supported)
Collaborating to approach major decisions, life events, and issues together as a team - this fosters a healthy dynamic, deepened bond, and joint growth
2) Mutual Respect
Mutual respect means accepting - and often cherishing - your partner(s) for who they are, as they are. A common relationship trap people fall into is expecting that they can change or “fix” certain things about their partner and then be fully happy with them. This goes against the respect that long-lasting relationships embody.
Coming from a place of respect means:
Always treating your partner(s) with decency - even when you are upset, emotional, angry at or hurt by them
Making space for, acknowledging, and validating their feelings - feelings need to be expressed and honored regardless of intent, misunderstanding, logic, and so on
Nurturing individuality - balancing your life and growth together with your separate needs, interests, and independent development is essential for the health of any relationship
3) Effort
There’s a reason that we often hear “relationships are work” and “love alone cannot sustain a relationship.” These concepts are widely agreed upon. Persistent dedication and energy put into a relationship are crucial. And the first two components we mentioned above, open communication and mutual respect, do not happen instantaneously; they are skills and qualities that develop and strengthen through committed effort over time.
Putting in effort involves:
Remaining committed and patient in moments of change - life is full of unpredictability, and as such, it’s important to remember that every relationship is a work in progress and partners will not always be able to put equal effort into the relationship at all times and that’s okay
Taking care of yourself too - you can’t pour from an empty cup and striving for a healthy relationship also means prioritizing and working on your individual well-being
Forgiving, compromising, supporting - whether in big or small moments, these actions add up, and showing care in these ways goes a long way
In addition to those three key qualities, some other popular assertions are:
Be on the same page financially - economic stress rattles a significant number of relationships
Learn the way your partner(s) loves to be loved - care for them in the ways they want to be cared for, which isn’t necessarily the same as the ways you’d like to be cared for
Be with your partner(s) for the right reasons - your love is for you and your partner(s), not anyone else’s; further, commitment has no timeline other than your own
Don’t expect your partner(s) to meet all of your needs - your partner(s) will meet many of these, but you need other sources and people to contribute, too
Little things can add up to big things - whether tiny acts of love and respect that persist over time or small issues left unresolved that snowball, seemingly little things can have big impacts
And lastly, seek help when or even before you need it - many experts recommend counseling even before it seems necessary so that partners can be open to new ways of growing, develop lifelong skills, and deepen their connection further while emphasizing the strengths of their connection and the unique things that make the relationship special
We hope this was a helpful, potentially reassuring, or simply interesting read. If you and your partner(s) are interested in couples/relational counseling, you can book a free consultation below.
For articles on conflict resolution/effective communication, when to go to couples/relational therapy, and more, visit here.