Nurturing Your Emotional Needs This Holiday Season

It’s that time of year again when many of us feel an overwhelming pressure to:

• connect with people we don’t often see and don’t always mesh well with

• provide distant relatives or casual acquaintances our life details and mask what we’re truly dealing with because they only want to hear how exceedingly well we’re doing

• expend unreasonable amounts of time, energy, social effort, and money for fear our loved ones won’t feel cared enough about

• constantly appear upbeat and joyous because “it’s the holidays!

Manage Expectations

• Holidays can enhance joy, connection, and generosity, but they can also evoke feelings of stress, loneliness, grief, and loss. Remember to make room for all of your feelings and recognize that you don’t need to force yourself to be happier than you truly feel to meet others’ expectations.

• Others feel the pressure to embrace the “holiday spirit” and post about the joy of the holidays too. Keep in mind that how you see others behaving and what you see on social media is filtered, so comparing your behind-the-scenes to their highlight reels naturally won’t add up.

• The festivity of the holidays will not magically make your everyday struggles go away. If you usually start the day with your battery 20% full, it won’t suddenly jump to 100% or even 50% just because it’s the holidays. Remember, if you only have 20% to give, and you give all 20%, then you gave 100%.

• Trying to be perfect (host the perfect party, cook the perfect dish, buy the perfect gift) or attend every event and “do it all” only increases misery and burnout. Bigger is not always better, and peace can be found in “good enough.” Try to connect with what truly matters -  the fact that you are thinking of others and wanting to show them you care means profoundly more than executing your kindness “perfectly”.

Prioritize Self-Care

You cannot pour into others’ cups when your cup is empty. Small restorative acts like treating your senses to a warm bath, a scented candle, a nourishing meal, a cup of tea; meditating; journaling; going for a walk; doing a valued hobby; and so on can help you recharge and de-stress. 

• Connect with community and support. Reach out to those go-to people there for when times get rough. Additionally/alternatively, consider a virtual or in-person support group, starting therapy/increasing your current amount of therapy, a professionally-mediated online forum, calling or texting a helpline, or looking for other community resources where you can connect with people who feel similarly rather than those who may heighten your feelings of difference, isolation, and pain.

• Support your physical needs: sleep, nutrition, hydration, light, movement. In the winter months, sunlight deprivation can definitely impact mood. If possible, go outdoors (perhaps take a walk or outdoor stretch break) or stand/stretch by a window during peak sunlight hours. You can also brighten your home with warm lighting to try to lift your mood.

• Honor the losses of the year and recognize that change is hard. Your life may look noticeably different than it did a year ago, traditions may be changing or disappearing, and important relationships may have shifted or been lost. Make space for and give yourself permission to feel the emotions that accompany that.

Enforce Boundaries

• Fellow people pleasers say it with me, “it’s okay to say no.” Maintaining boundaries fosters healthier relationships for everyone involved and prevents resentment, burnout, and blow-ups. If you tend to get emotional/reactive or you struggle to enforce your boundaries under pressure, try asserting your need in one calm statement as many times as it takes for others to respect it. “No, I am not going to talk about that with you.” “No, I am not going to talk about that with you.” “No, I am not going to talk about that with you.” Explanations to justify your assertion are not needed.

• The financial burden of gift-giving can be a huge stressor. If your financial stability and emotional well-being will be harmed by buying presents this year, it’s okay to tell others that, while you care about them, you are simply unable to give gifts this year. Other options to lessen financial burden are setting up a White Elephant or Secret Santa system which can add fun whimsy to the act of gift-giving as an added bonus.

Plan Ahead

• Establishing your limits, boundaries, and needs prior to the holiday season/end of the year can be a cathartic process that decreases overwhelm and anxiety. This could also be something to explore in therapy.

• Making a schedule, game plan, budget sheet, or to-do list to break tasks down and visualize their execution can similarly help you feel more organized and holiday tasks seem more manageable.

Know When to Seek Help

• Don’t be afraid to let those who care about you know your needs, how you’re really feeling/doing, and ways they can support you.

• Grief, loss, trauma, loneliness, stress, conflict, pressure, seasonal depression, and so many other elements fuel the holiday season’s emotional - and sometimes unbearable - nature. You don’t have to face it on your own. Therapists, hotlines, support groups, online resources, and more are here for you, and they want to help.
  

So, the “most wonderful time of year”?

For some, yes. For others, definitely not. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, know that you are not alone in your experience and that there is support out there. Let’s make space for the highs, the lows, and everything else that the holiday season brings.

If you’d like some extra support during the holiday season, schedule a free consultation below.
We are here to help.